Love and its linkups

I’ve recorded a short but powerful reflection on love—especially those moments when what we feel and what we truly need don’t always align. I also explore how we often link things together that don’t really belong, both in our relationships and in everyday life. I won’t give away too much, but if you’ve been second-guessing your relationships or wondering whether you’re making the right choices, this one’s for you. Join me for a quick conversation that might just spark a whole new perspective.

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Intro + Outro: Express by The Crystal Clover

Transcript

Jordana: 0:00

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of Fully Alive. I'm your host Jordana Meazza. So let's go straight into this week's episode. probably this is going to be like super, super quick episode, but I want to talk about love and love not only as a couple, but love, just love and how many times we As humans, we tend to link up things that don't necessarily go together. It's not like they don't go together. It's that like they don't actually go together. So they don't function together. They don't move together. So when one thing does something, then the other thing then has to do something the same. Right. And what I'm talking about specifically is that in relationships, and I mean, any, any type of relationship, We tend to think that if we love somebody, that there is always a way of making it work. And yes, that could be true, and we could definitely take that and, try our best and do what we can to make it work. But what I'm talking about is that sometimes in any type of relationship, we think that again, I'll say the exact same thing, and it's going to sound like, Jordana, you're repeating yourself, and yes, I know, but what I want to say is that There are two separate things. One thing is love and many many many moons ago, I did an episode about how love was unconditional and relationships are Conditional instead of unconditional love doesn't exist So this is kind of a follow up to that so if you want to hear that one. If you didn't, then just go to the list and it is there. You'll find it. I have no idea which episode it is, but it is there. You won't miss it. The thing is that we think that we have to make it work. Let's talk about something more practical. So let's say that we are in a relationship that from one to 10 is a six and then we think, oh wait, I love this person. I really, really do love this person. And I'm talking about a partner, could be a family member, could be a parent, a daughter, a brother, a friend, it could be anything. So let's talk about couples just to make a more graphic example. Many times people stay with their partners or in any type of relationship, really, but it's applicable to every relationship, so you'll know. So many people stay with their partners just because they feel love towards the other person. At the same time, they know they don't work together, like, maybe they fight a lot, or maybe they don't see eye to eye to things, or maybe they don't have the same values, or maybe one lie and the other one doesn't, and, it's just inconceivable, or maybe their life project is different, like, one person wants to go nomad, backpacking through the entire world, and don't have kids, and the other one wants, a farm and five kids, like they, they just don't go together. So, so many times, and there are tons of examples in society where people kind of feel forced to stay together just because they love each other. They feel love for each other and because they have many happy memories together. And I'm not saying like, look, if you are in a relationship, six, then just break up, or just don't see that person ever again. That's it. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is. Just this element of there are two things that we as society link up together as they are one thing But they are not. They are two separate things So one is love and when you create a bond with someone then that love stays and then something happens And the relationship doesn't work out or something or even when somebody dies and you're grieving that is still love And when love hurts, it's pain, because the opposite of love is indifference. So if there is indifference, then there's nothing, you can detach of a person without a problem, right? But pain is there is something there that kind of connects you with that other person. We're talking about just love and relationships, okay? We're not talking about, toxics and things like that. That's for another episode. Today, just this simple thing. One thing is love and loving someone and the other thing, the other part of the equation, if you will, is Is this the person that I want for me, for the vision I have for me, for the desire I have for me, for my life, for my project in life, for my future, for me now and for me tomorrow. So when we think everything together, then it's kind of harder to do. And also the mind gets in the way because the situation is uncomfortable. So the mind is trying to solve things. It's what the brain does it's just trying to solve things. So it gives us, a thousand thoughts and flashes and memories and things just to try and see how it can make us feel better and just solve this situation however way and then just move on and stop feeling this way. But the brain has nothing to do in this situation because there is nothing that the brain can do. except asking the right questions. And that yes, because the brain is really good at that. So. If we know the separation between these two things and then we say, okay, let's get the love out of the way. So of course the love is the foundation, right? Like the structure. If there is no love, then there's nothing else to talk about, right? But if you have that, then okay, let's just get that out of the way just for a second. I know that if I'm not with this person, then I'll probably feel pain. So it's okay. It's okay. Let's talk about the other part. So about this, the second part. Do we go together? Is this person what I want for me? Do we go well together? Are we a good team? Do we work well together? And again, this is for everything. Could be for a business partner, could be for, relationship, mother, daughter, brother, sister. Son, friend, whatever. Do I see myself walking with this person? Do I get along with this person? You know, all these questions that the mind can do, that the brain can do. And yeah, mind and brain are not exactly the same. But let's just go with it for today. If we see these two things separate, and we kind of analyze it, analyze them separate, then it's easier to know, look, I really love this person. But I really don't think that we go well together. And, it would be so much easier if this other person was this 100 percent villain, maybe did something really awful. So it's, black or white, you know, that's it. Like it's, it's gotten done out of my life forever, but usually that's not the case. Usually from, let's say one to 10, maybe your relationship is a six or a 5. 5 or a seven or a 7. 5, you know, it's like almost, but it's not. So that is harder. That is harder. And then again, because the brain just keeps sending us thoughts and things and, you know, spiralizing what we're thinking is just so confusing, so confusing and we can't sleep just because, the brain never stops and we keep on thinking and thinking and flashes and everything and we keep saying, I don't know, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. And really if we pause for a second and we, Let the brain out of the way, just, you know, thoughts are okay. I don't need you right now. I'm okay. I'm okay with the information I have. I already have plenty of information. It's fine. Let's get the love out of the way. If that is a yes, if that is a no, then please kick that, that soul out of your life. But, If you do love the person, then get that part also out of the way and then just ask yourself from 1 to 10, or from 0 to 100%, being 0, not at all, and 100, completely aligned with me, like how aligned this person is with you, how much, do you think you're compatible and Don't overthink it, just trust whatever number or whatever, I always use numbers because it's a very graphic thing. So trust whatever thing comes to you, and then compare that with the vision you have for you. And it's not like, oh no, but you know, those kind of sweet and perfect relationships only happen in movies, things like that. That is completely irrelevant. What do you want for you? What do you want for you? And just ask, ask your heart is the only one that could answer this question. Ask your soul, it's just impossible answering any other way. The brain cannot answer it, and the loved part cannot answer it. And of course the heart is responsible for the love as well, but we, we established that that is, is something that we leave out of the way just, just for this kind of meaty part that we need to get to and then just ask yourself, is this good enough? And I have kind of an issue with the, with the good enough, because if I would ask you, do you want to breathe enough? Do you want to eat enough? Do you want to see enough, just enough to survive, just enough to not hit. Your head with a wall. Just enough air to, to not get dizzy and fall. Or do you want plenty? Do you want freedom? Do you want expansion? Do you want all the air that you would need or want to breathe in that moment and take a deep breath and just not feel limited or restricted? Do you want just enough? Because if it was enough, it would be good already. So the good enough just doesn't exist. If it would be enough, it would be good. I think that the good enough is that kind of just enough, like kind of by the millimeter, you know, like, like just enough, like, like, it's like almost, but not, but it just, it's okay. Maybe we'll round it up, like numbers and it's just good enough. So anyway, this is for this week. So maybe if this episode found you, maybe there's something, there's something that you're thinking or going through that sometimes makes you wonder. Is this good enough? And my question to you is, is it enough? Or do you want something else? Do you want something more? And there's nothing wrong with wanting something different. Again, if love was there, and nothing major really bad happened, most probably is that love is still there. May look different, just because we adorn it we kind of put the decor all over it, right? So again, love is like the structure, and then the relationship itself is like the decoration, and the rooms, and the Paint and the sofa and the lamps and everything. So of course the love at the beginning looks one way and then love after 10 years or after however long is going to look different. Like, an apartment just the moment they open the doors the first time is going to look one way and after 10 years going to look different. After 50 years going to look different, right? But the structure is there. So once you know that love is there and will still be there and probably will stay forever. There are so many people in my life that I still love, that I still feel love towards them. Even though in the moment I chose, I, I thought and I chose that they were not for me. And that's okay. We choose, we just all the time, don't, don't think for a second that we don't choose, because we choose with every step, we choose with everything we do, we choose with every breath, we choose with our money, we choose with our actions, we choose with our thoughts, we choose with what we see on TV, we choose with the relationships that we build, and we choose with the relationships that we get out of, we choose every step of the way, so I'm asking you, What do you choose today? What would your heart say? Not your love heart, which is the same. Poor heart. So it has a lot of, a lot of work to do. What would you choose? Because we tend to, to go back and say, oh, but I actually love this person and this hurts so much and don't know, maybe if I would have, would have worked a bit harder, or maybe if I would have done this but if in that moment, You say, look, I'm thinking all this and it hurts just because I still love this person. I still care about this person because this person wasn't a villain. I don't know if you heard that. That was my dog. It's been really hard to record. but I'm trying to not overthink this. and, just when I feel that I want to record something, then I'll just, I'll just do it. So anyway, I hope this episode was helpful And that with this thing, this extra thing, this extra knowing of, maybe I am linking many things up together. But they are not really one thing. They are different things. Again, what would you choose? Because even if you look back to that time when you did this, or you chose this, and you now think that's different, First go to the episode where I talk about guilt, because that's a different subject in itself and it's going to help you a lot if that's the case. But I bet that if you sit today and separate these two things and ask yourself the question, you'll probably choose the exact same thing. Because once you know, you always know. Have a lovely, lovely rest of the week and speak to you next time. I love you.